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We've been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. It shocked her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, and must have grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was highly competent, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She is organizing a trip abroad I know well many times even called home for a while. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I recently ended a month in that place she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she can grasp the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution demands strength and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel belong to you, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember that she also has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be effective to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version of their life they won't let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they've known. It's tough because there's no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might start out like this before reflecting your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides peace knowing you were honest with her.