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I have just returned from a jog. It’s surprising to state that statement. I think it could have been ten years since my last. Yet It came to my attention that I have somewhat raised cholesterol, and I’ve been advised to engage in vigorous activity on a consistent basis.

It’s the initial instance in my existence that the reason to work out has been my health status. When I was younger, I jogged because I desired to lose weight. I also jogged to alleviate feelings of anxiety – I was just running away from the anxiety, without confronting it. On other occasions, I ran because I aimed to get better in running. That represented the definition to me then to create a superior lifestyle.

Exercising with new motivation currently prompted contemplation about the ways I’ve connected with my physique throughout my life and the way it’s evolving as I transition from early adulthood to middle age. I believe not I’ve valued my body, not fundamentally. I’ve prized it solely for its capabilities and the objectives it served me: trying to attract others; dodging sentiments; achieving a quicker 5km. Previously, I failed to grasp that my body represents me, it embodies my life, instead of something that produces results.

Much has been written for ages about the division between body and mind – a topic you will be relieved to know, I’ll avoid detailing in this piece. What has struck me most intriguing is Freud’s understanding that consciousness and physique are developmentally integrated from birth, because physical maturation necessitates emotional evolution and vice versa. The infant’s corporeal feelings – for example the physical sensation of hunger – drive consciousness to cultivate the skill to perceive hunger as a sensation that can be sated by a feed; and the psychological solace and satisfaction consistently provided by meal after meal nourishes the child’s mind similar to the nutrition nourishes them bodily. So too psychological experiences – like the urge to get up and grab an object, and the persistence to attempt repeatedly – are the reason and method physical strength increases. From our earliest moments, our physical and mental selves are interlinked in shared growth as unified as DNA strands.

But I have noticed, in treatment with my analyst, that mental and physical aspects might experience a different kind of relationship – one less integrated and increasingly manipulative. My psyche might utilize my body to hold and display aspects that my psyche considers unacceptable or intolerable. In analysis we realized that there are certain emotions that I worry I can’t handle; rather than feeling these psychologically, I unintentionally shift them into bodily form, where they remain as bodily signs.

I used to get digestive discomfort – which had nothing to do with my diet, but represented a form of corporeal reaction of the sharper sentiments I was unable to process mentally. This was not a conscious choice, but once it was raised to awareness in sessions, and my dread and sensitivity and rage and terror became palpable and articulated rather than transformed into bodily feelings, it disappeared. I rarely suffer from indigestion now.

The toughest period I had this severe heartburn, I was unable to sleep for several nights in a row. It seemed I was slipping away from my mental stability. I consulted my doctor, who arranged multiple examinations and assessments, but there was nothing physically wrong. It was another doctor who suggested that the origin could be mental. My analyst agreed. I was stunned, but I also knew it was correct.

When a patient endures a bodily issue, they can be offended if told that there might be a psychological cause. It can seem as invalidation, being told that their condition is imagined. Certainly such cases occur – people can have their suffering ignored or wrongly assessed. However, sometimes it’s possible that the corporeal issues are real – certainly – and the source is mental, the subconscious using the physical self to express some pain or anger or whatever emotion the conscious self fails to handle. Occasionally, it’s easy to think our experience matters solely if manifested through the body. We often undervalue our minds on a personal level, as a society and within our culture; for what reason do we accept the appalling elimination of mental health treatments through health services?

My experiences have revealed that a superior lifestyle cannot be created if we remain trapped unawares in patterns of interaction, inside us and with others, that originate in devaluation, exploitation and exchange. Such patterns tend to be simpler to identify “in the world” in wider society. It’s likely less comfortable to consider their origins, and to see these forms within ourselves and among loved ones, in the workings of our mental lives.

Yet persistence pays off. After donning my running shoes back on following many years, heading out not for a better body, or to get rid of an emotion, or to beat a running record, {it